Welcome to an exclusive Aspect of the Dork “Cosmo quiz”. Most of us have a favourite spec, the rotation or flavour just suits us, but maybe you need a hand identifying which spec you really are deep down. Well, this simple test can help you reveal the nature of your inner hunter.
You are strolling down a forest path, when suddenly a bandit bursts forth from the bushes, and demands you hand over all your gold. What do you do?
A) Your pet instinctively knows you are in danger, and leaps at the throat of the bandit, tearing his jugular out. There’s blood EVERYWHERE. It’s fantastic! You hug your pet.
B) You pretend to be dead… as you surreptitiously drop an immolation trap. The bandit comes over to loot your “corpse” and suddenly bursts into flames. You laugh maniacally as he runs screaming in burning agony.
C) You shoot them in the face.
If you could design the perfect pet, what would it look like?
A) A giant five headed dragon-wolf-panther-raptor-sporebat, with giant claws, spikes, and teeth, that can roar so loud that it blows the armor off people.
B) A invisible flame snake, with a deadly bite that sets people on fire. Poisonous fire.
C) Not sure… a dog with a gun strapped to its back? Or a shark with laser beams attached to its head.
There’s this person. They’re smart, funny, and uncommonly good looking. You’ve developed a crush on them, and you think they might like you in return. What do you do?
A) You buy them a puppy as an expression of your affection!
B) You decide you need to know more about them before you go any further. You stalk them, tracking them in their daily routine, watching their every move… Sting would be proud. Of course, they know you’re there, and you know they know you’re there. You never actually speak to each other, but despite this you develop an… understanding… that despite your love for each other, you can’t be together. You just don’t roll like that. It wouldn’t work. You never see each other again, but you know they’re around. There’s signs of them, here and there, a broken twig, an upturned stone, a slaughtered herd of elleks with their skinned corpses arranged into a love heart… And that’s enough for you.
C) You shoot them in the face with an arrow of your love*. (They die, you’re not troubled by this).
*note: arrows of love are indistinguishable from normal arrows.
What do you like most about your pet?
A) Its rippling muscles, musky scent, luscious mane… It’s one seriously attractive animal.
B) It’s useful, you’ve taught it a couple of tricks.
C) You didn’t actually like your pet all that much, until you taught it to carry an extra gun and ammo for you.
Who is your role model?
A) Steve Irwin
B) Bear Grylls
C) Clint Eastwood
You come across an old barn. Taking a look inside you see a couple of dozen gnomes building some mechanical thing. Knowing full well that gnomes are by their very nature unhuntery, you conclude they must be up to no good. How do you handle this situation?
A) The best way to scare off gnomes is with something bigger than them, which is pretty much everything, but you think the bigger the better, so you have your devilsaur roar furiously and charge on in. As the gnomes scatter you smile with satisfaction and hug your pet.
B) You know gnomes will run from a large threat, so you have your bear stand at one end of the barn and roar at them. They flee in the opposite direction, straight into your explosive trap. You laugh manically and they run screaming in burning agony.
C) You line up a multishot and shoot them all in the face at once.
What’s the best way to tame a pet?
A) Radiate love and positive vibes , pouring your heart and soul out into a beam of pure affection and warmth. Finish up with a big hug.
B) No nonsense: trap and cap.
C) Shoot it a few times, just to make sure it’s worth taming , if it’s still alive, well, maybe you’ll let it follow you around for a while.
What is the one thing your friends would say about you?
B) “They’re bat shit crazy, I mean literally insane. Don’t tell them where you saw me, please…”
C) “Yeah, nice enough I guess, but they’re really focused on that whole gun thing. I appreciate a little obsession over a hobby, but seriously…”
You hear that an ex is spreading hurtful rumours about you. Do you:
A) Hug your pet, knowing that at least they will never hurt you.
B) Rig their home with an incendiary device, and hide until they get home. They trigger the trap, and you laugh manically and they run screaming in burning agony.
C) Shoot them in the face.
The best compliment you could ever receive is:
A) “Nice pet!”
B) When an unsuspecting victim dies a silent (but horrific) death. A nice clean kill.
C) “Nice shot!”
Do you believe in love at first sight?
A) Yes, sometimes when you see a beast…. well… you just “know” that it’s the one.
B) No, I don’t believe in anything… other than my will to endure.
C) Yes, I love shooting things the first time I line them up in my sights. I rarely have to worry about a second time.
What’s one thing that breaks your heart?
A) You think about how many pets don’t have a home and how you should have them, you think about how cute they are and how their ears and the whiskers and the nose, you just love them and you want them and you want them in a basket and you want little bow ties and you want them to be on a rainbow and just in your bed and you just want a house full of them and you just want to roll around with them.
B) What heart?
C) There was this one time, way back when you were younger, when you missed… it fills you with shame and regret.
What’s your favourite game?
A) Hungry Hungry Hippos! It’s so satisfying to feed those poor hippos.
B) Cat and mouse. You’re the cat. You’d pity the person who is the mouse, if you could feel pity, that is.
C) Billiards. A steady hand and a keen eye make you a pro.
What is your favourite thing about being a hunter?
A) All the pets! They’re all so prettyful and happyful!
B) All the tricks! It’s great to be able to do so many things to get you out of a tight spot, or to put someone else in one.
C) All the shooting people in the face!
How did you do?
Mostly As: You are a Beast Master hunter. A true animal lover (in all senses of the word), you know your greatest asset is also your best friend. While you may not have the best personal hygiene, you are fiercely loyal, patient, and worry more about the pack than you do yourself. Your lucky number is 25.
Mostly Bs: You are a Survival hunter. A master of stealth and shit. You read the SAS Survival Guide when you were still in diapers, and laughed at all the mistakes. Your favourite tactic is to not actively kill someone, but to create situations where people kill themselves. While not the most friendly person, people have been known to say good things about you… under extreme duress. Your lucky number is 3.
Mostly Cs: You are a Marksman hunter. A crack shot with any weapon, you can shoot the whiskers off a kitten with precision accuracy. To you, there are two types of people in the world, those who you’ve shot, and those you haven’t shot… yet. You don’t have a lucky number, who needs luck when you have skill?